Pretty Little Broken Things

©Andrena Zawinski, 2009

The darkness of the night is blinding… definitely not deafening. I could hear people laughing from afar. They honestly sound stupid, like they just saw each other again after a cruel number of years of separation. It’s crazy… no, they sound crazy. Sometimes they can get too annoying. Sometimes they’re just bearable. Sometimes I just don’t care at all.  Tonight I think I’ll just let them be. Whatever floats their boat. And on mine – I kinda miss writing about random things. There. That’s just it.

Nothing much happened today at work. Could be a lazy day per normal day standards.  but I guess not for the others. Not for me either. My check list sort of filled the whole section for my daily tasks, and it even overflowed to tomorrow. Nothing’s changed though. Same old routine, maybe. What I loved about today is the rain. It just poured down the whole day. And with it goes that wretched-of-a-song entitled “Fix You” (by Coldplay, of course!)~ and the things you put at the back of your mind comes rushing back at you again. Tsk!

You see, I get it. There are just these moments in our lives that changes us forever. Touches us, yes. Hurts us, yes. Breaks us, yes. Mends us, yes… but it’s never gonna be the same again. Not that you no longer recognize who you are – that is a different story. It’s just that you know… you’re no longer the “you” before. Call it whatever suits you – like you’ve embraced the dark side, you’ve gone wild, you’ve upgraded, you’ve grown smarter, prettier, better – for whatever it is, it stays the same. You’ve changed. You’re this broken piece of a puzzle trying to find something…

I clicked on the link. The benefits of doing it on the month of August. It felt fun reading it the first time. Such a simple carefree conversation. It feels different seeing the article now. Part of me is appalled. Another part questioning. Is this all that there is? How different could it have been? Was I really “saved” or just brought onto a deeper pit? Choices have to be made. And everything comes with a price. And I lost my faith on a lot of things for this. Fair enough?

I close the email as I open my eyes.


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